Makes good online dating headline

09-Jul-2016 17:40

But it does do one thing: it ensures that the guy you just slept with is not seeing anybody else and is seriously open to exploring a future. “This is why so many feel “used” because they waited a month, or two, or three and finally “gave in” and POOF he’s gone anyways.” I didn’t say that you should wait a month or two or three before “giving in”.

(Unless, of course, he’s a psycho who would lie to your face to get laid – and I’m suggesting most normal men would rather find another woman than to do that.) “There is a shaming of women for wanting to have sex.” From whom? As I said in my original post, “I’m not remotely judgmental of those who have sex without commitment.” Hell, I’ve had a lot of sex without commitment. Waiting for some arbitrary time period has never been the point.

Gottlieb’s advice is completely “wrong.” No it’s not.

You don’t HAVE to have sex first; you WANT to have sex first.

I’ve only done this twice before: once, in a post defending Lori Gottlieb’s “Marry Him,” and a second time, in a post explaining my opposition to Rori Raye’s “Circular Dating.” These were the only two times that I remember being equally frustrated at how something was being misconstrued that I needed to take an hour and go through a bullet point by bullet point dissection of my original thesis.

Now I know that writing this is not going to change a thing. First of all, here was the premise of my original post: “You want to find out if a man is serious about you? If you don’t – because you’re a liberated woman who can have sex whenever you damn well please – don’t be too surprised if a decent percentage of those men never call again.

Which is fine – as long as the woman is up for the insecurity of not knowing where your relationship is headed. “If our culture starts once again demanding and creating chaste women, you’re going to get chaste women through and through.” Chaste means abstaining from extramarital or all intercourse.

I’m saying that women should wait until he’s a boyfriend, even if that means date 3.

You don’t HAVE to have sex first; you WANT to have sex first.

I’ve only done this twice before: once, in a post defending Lori Gottlieb’s “Marry Him,” and a second time, in a post explaining my opposition to Rori Raye’s “Circular Dating.” These were the only two times that I remember being equally frustrated at how something was being misconstrued that I needed to take an hour and go through a bullet point by bullet point dissection of my original thesis.

Now I know that writing this is not going to change a thing. First of all, here was the premise of my original post: “You want to find out if a man is serious about you? If you don’t – because you’re a liberated woman who can have sex whenever you damn well please – don’t be too surprised if a decent percentage of those men never call again.

Which is fine – as long as the woman is up for the insecurity of not knowing where your relationship is headed. “If our culture starts once again demanding and creating chaste women, you’re going to get chaste women through and through.” Chaste means abstaining from extramarital or all intercourse.

I’m saying that women should wait until he’s a boyfriend, even if that means date 3.

Believe it or not, most men do not lie in order to get sex. Sex is so readily available from women that there’s no incentive for a guy to have to say something untrue like, “I love you” or “I want to be your boyfriend” in order to get laid. Holding out for commitment will, in fact, scare the guy away who only wants to get laid. And if she let me know that she didn’t sleep with guys outside of a commitment, I’d have been out the door in a heartbeat.